I miss my Mariah and my Howard as much as I miss my Cini-Mini and my Cini-Mini was not only my world but my universe. Mariah, my daughter, unfriended me on facebook and that was really the only communication I had with her because I tried to stay out of her life. I tried to stay out of her life because I know I am no good. It was while she lived under my roof that bad things happened, the bad man did what he did, and that does make it my fault. I never should have let her go to her friends house. I should have said NO!.
I don't let people touch me anymore. I don't mean 'touch my heart', I mean touch my skin or even my shoulder or arm through my shirt. I go through great lengths to make sure it doesn't happen, and if it does happen I make sure to tell them 'I don't like touch' and then describe how I will hand things to other people carefully to make sure no touch has to happen, or take things from people to make sure touch does not have to happen. Getting change back at the store is never fun because some people are careful to drop the change into your hand and some people will place the change into your hand. If they are going to 'place' the change into my hand I will often let it drop on 'accident'. Touch just freaks me the hell out. No I do not shake hands with people. No I do not have relationships.
If there is one person on this planet though who I would allow to touch me, hug me, hold my hand for even a moment, it would be my Howard.
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