Visitor

My sisters daughter is here visiting for a few weeks. My routine is now different, my surroundings are now different, my immediate universe is now different. She got here yesterday and I was hoping to be able to be 'normal' while she was here which is why I originally decided not to drink at all Wednesday and to cut way back. I was going to stay out in the living room and not stay hibernating in my room. Just be normal. Well the not drinking only lasted until midday on Thursday, before she got here. Then I was going to NOT get drunk. Yeah, I was drunk by the time my sister got home from picking her daughter up. I did manage to stay in the living room today, but tonight after my sister got home from work I had to come back here to my room for hibernation. My sister said something that hurt me but I did not and cannot show it, I just have to remember my place.

Remember my place. My mantra. I cannot forget. Remember my place. So now I will just stay out of their way, let them do whatever. I will just clean up after them and not say anything. Cook. Clean. Hide. My version of normal. Remember my place. I didn't drink today. Tomorrow though. . .

Today I ate:
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Peanut butter and banana sandwich
Banana
Bowl of ice cream
which all equals a disgusting number of calories that I will have to punish myself for tomorrow even though I did walk for 1.5 hours. It doesn't matter to me how many calories I burn off, it only matters how many go in and stay in.